Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I woke up under a house in Key West
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