Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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