Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
