with your own penis?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
