So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Fuck appropriateness.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
