peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
