it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
COCAINE IS GR8
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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