my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
