It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
