i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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