and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Someone signed my nipple.
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