she was so not down for the gang bang
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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