She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
