Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
