please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
