dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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