At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She bit a glass in half.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
