2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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