Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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