he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
