what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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