my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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