Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
