Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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