so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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