I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
