Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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