guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
