smell my finger.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
