I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She even gives head with a lisp.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
