I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just blew my weed a kiss
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's shark week go big or go home
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
