Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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