I need help removing her.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
