I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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