I accidentally burped into my bong.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
