he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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