we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
