I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
