The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She bit a glass in half.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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