I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
