and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
