In the future we'll all be gay
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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