worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Princesses don't give blow jobs
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
