oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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