My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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