I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
