just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
