So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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