I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
