This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
