HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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