so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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